If there was ever one bit of joy to be gleaned over the past six months, as the waning American republic willingly set its own house on fire and let a den of wolfish hacks prey on its remains, it was this: watching Sean Spicer embarrass himself in front of millions.
It was a small pleasure for sure, and a wide swath of Americans were happy to see him go and welcome a whole new source of shame to the White House. But some people appear to be having a harder time letting go, including the producers at Dancing for the Stars who have allegedly expressed interest in bringing Spicer on the show.
To be clear: Spicer’s invitation remains a rumor first reported by The New York Post. Still, the concept isn’t entirely without of reach. Who could forget when Energy Secretary Rick Perry the man now in charge of our nuclear weapon arsenal skipped and doodly-dooed on Dancing with the Stars like a teenage girl learning square dancing for the first time?
Politico also reported that Spicer has had multiple “friendly meetings” with executives from networks including ABC, CBS, NBC and FOX.
Remember when pundits warned that Spicer’s career would be destroyed from having spent so much time in front of cameras openly lying to a room full of experienced journalists?
Ah well. Guess that passed. All’s good now!
Outside of Dancing With The Stars, here’s where Spicey could potentially go next:
1. A talking head on FOX
According to Politico, FOX neither denied nor confirmed speaking with Spicer but instead said it routinely talks to all the “major players.” It’s unclear what kind of insight the network expects Spicer to provide about Trump, outside of “Daddy is a very good boy.” Still, Spicer’s occasionally jocular, forced upbeat attitude would be a welcome antidote to Tucker Carlson’s nightly public temper tantrums.
2. A cameo on SNL with Melissa McCarthy
One of the best/only memories people will have about Sean Spicer is actually just Melissa McCarthy’s Sean Spicer. Spicer’s appearance on Saturday Night Live would probably cause a ratings spike for the network, and it’s not the first time the late night show has invited a disgraced public figure to come dance for the cameras.
3. A special correspondent for The Today Show
Jenna Bush has done it. Chelsea Clinton has done it. Nearly every mediocre public figure hoping to launch from blandness to greatness has made an appearance on this milquetoast morning news show, whether as a guest or a correspondent.
Your turn, Spicey.
4. Jeffrey Lord’s backup on CNN
Let’s be honest: Spicer will likely follow the path of his buddy Corey Lewandowski and become a Trumpkin propaganda piece on one of the major networks, regardless of the humiliation he suffered behind the scenes. At least he’ll be more pleasant to gawk at than Lewandowski or Lord, and I’ll gladly watch him if he agrees to wear his infamous bunny suit on air.
5. Appear as a frequently invited guest on one of the late night shows, whether it’s Jimmy Fallon or Bill Maher
There is no one too offensive to appear on Bill Maher nor too bland to be a guest on Jimmy Fallon. Neither Spicer nor Fallon are afraid of the irreverent shaggy-headed little president. Maher is more than happy to invite anyone to his show who has the potential to offend thousands of vulnerable Americans.
The future is open for Sean Spicer. The possibilities are endless. Despite dragging American democracy down into the dirt, Spicer will rise from the dust like a phoenix and be redeemed by the almighty Gods of network television. All is forgiven in the Kingdom of Content.
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